26: Coloring Outside the Lines
Originally written August 14, 2016
Here we are again. Another birthday is upon me: 26. Kind of an strange in-between number, isn't it? But that's kind of how I feel about my life right now: "in-between." In-between what? That's what I'm not quite sure about.
Reflecting back on my last birthday post I wrote a lot about the change and struggle 24 presented me. So much had changed in such a short amount of time. Nothing was black and white anymore. It was like someone had erased the dictionary, erased all the color from the coloring book that was my life. What did things like family, love, friendship, trust, strength, and forgiveness really mean? Can you really ever define them or are they constantly changing, different to every person and every circumstance?
I spent most of my 24th year taking care of others, worrying about others, sacrificing for others, and putting other people's feelings and needs before mine. I do not say any of this regretfully - it was necessary and I would take none of it back.
But 25? 25 was truly about me. Below, in no particular order are 26 (one to grow on) of the most important moments from my 25th year. As always, they range from happy and funny to hard and deep (but I think at this point we all expect and accept that). Most of them revolve around, well, me. I was the star of my own show this year and I found out that being in your own spotlight is truly illuminating, for better or for worse.
As I mentioned previously, I feel a little "in-betweeen" as I head into this next year. I did so much learning and changing through struggle at 24 and spent 25 trying to pull those pieces into myself, adapting who I am into who I want to be. Heading into 26, I'm hopeful that those two very important past years come together and balance out. I read a comment the other day, from Youtube of all places, and it really spoke to the balance I'm trying to achieve. It went something like this: I would like to be open to life but certain of convictions, laid back and hard working, okay with nothing yet have everything, surrounded by great friends but also confident alone, free to explore personal interests yet disciplined enough to see everything through, intelligent but grounded and humble, crazy enough to face fears and curiosities yet smart enough to call it a day, and totally into pampering myself but equally caring for the world. And now here I am again, talking about hard things to balance. It all seems to circle back, doesn't it? Balance. Life. It's about staying true to who I am, but having fun coloring outside the lines every once in a while.
But HECK - let's get to the dang list already!
Table for One
After one day in Venice, I was unsure of how I felt about the city. It was beautiful, no doubt. But I was a little overwhelmed by the amount of tourists - perhaps because we were all packed into a small area I noticed them more. Maybe it was because I was alone and was more observant than usual. Whatever the reason, I was having a hard time connecting to the heart of what the city really was. However, as Venice, slowly but surely, opened her arms to me, she also opened up parts of myself that I had never really connected with.
By the time I left, I was in love with this wonderful city anchored to the sea and I was a little bit more in love with the girl who I was allowed to be there. Also, as an added bonus, I managed to not get lost in the train system and had a quick, happy little reunion with a South African and an Australian who properly managed to show me Italy like locals. Note: I was drinking my coffee all wrong.
Cheese
Don't get confused. I've always liked cheese. Who doesn't like cheese? Crazy people. But this year in particular, for whatever reason, I've become obsessed with cheese. Brie in particular. Give it all to me. ALL OF IT. Keep my trainer in business.
That's Enough!
Dublin, Cork, Kinsale, Waterford and Kilkenny. Oh, Ireland, you treated us so well. We were truly a little group of misfits, with no plan and limited navigation skills (cough, cough) but Ireland embraced with open arms. When people ask me now how I liked Ireland I have a hard time describing it because I loved it. But, honestly, it felt so much like home to me it doesn't even feel like I traveled all that far away. The culture of the Irish and Southerners, while of course having notable differences, are also strikingly similar: open, easy-going, friendly, and always down for a pint and a good time. Although, I'm glad I got that kiss with the Blarney Stone over with. Word of advice: don't wear a dress.
Battle of the Benches
This year I helped put on a huge event for work. It went better than I ever could have hoped for and it was truly incredible to watch these master jewelers create beautiful pieces from scratch. Very inspiring and I'm thankful that I got to be a part of it.
Oh, baby!
My best-friend since childhood had her own, perfect little baby girl this June. I remember visiting her a few hours before Charlie's entrance into the world and I'm pretty sure I was more nervous than she was! But thankfully everything went smoothly and Charlie is just ... I keep saying it ... but, perfect. I can't wait to see her grow up, and, of course, to make sure she loves the ocean. She'll love scuba diving - unlike her mother - if I have anything to do with it!
Shut Up & Dance with Me
Seeing Val IN THE FLESH. The first time around I couldn't handle it. No, really. I couldn't. I ran away from him. But he just smelled so good and looked so good and my mind literally just stopped working properly. I think it's the closest I've ever come to straight up blacking out. He probably thinks that I was from the Make-a-Wish Foundation. Still worth it. the second time? REDEMPTION WAS MINE. Basically, expect your save the dates in the mail any day now.
Cake by the Ocean
Beautiful or creative. Divinely inspired. Peaceful or perfect. A place where a wonderfully random mixture of moments: of laughs, boat jumps, messy hair, sun burns, salt water, delicious food, chipped nail polish, accents, camo, and yes, tequila, all laced together to become, quite perfectly one big moment which has laid the foundation essentially, a new home.
Another One Bites the Dust
He put a ring on it! It was little bit bittersweet for me when Laura got engaged (to a wonderful guy by the way) - because I'd sort of lost my PIC! I say sort of because of course in reality I didn't really lose her, but being one of the dwindling "singles," it felt like that for a moment. I have, however, gotten over it and can't hardly wait to help celebrate their marriage!
DNCE
GNO + Pitbull + Mardi Gras = One. Epic. Night.
Mrs. Worldwide
Haters gonna hate, but I love me some Mr. Worldwide. His music is just fun. It makes me happy and it makes me want to dance. What the heck is wrong with that? This year, I got to see him live at Endymion and let me tell you what - I danced my little heart out. For one night only, I was Mrs. Worldwide.
Who's Belt is That?
Boats on boats on boats. I went to two boat shows this past year - both equally awesome and memorable in their own ways - most following the rule: "what happens at boat shows stays at boat shows." I will say this about each though:
Fort Lauderdale - Tipsy uber rides, inappropriate flashlights, accidental death-metal bar visits, shots on shots on shots
West Palm Beach - "I told you so," belts, karaoke madness, birthday celebrations
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
Putting others before yourself, while hard, is very convenient when trying to avoid your own problems. By deciding to not focus all my energy on others and instead focus inward, I found some serious issues that I'd managed to avoid for so long they were covered in spider webs. This year, I spent a lot of time really looking into the mirror, if you will, of who I am. It's important to accept your flaws - no one is perfect - but it's equally important to insure that your flaws aren't overshadowing or controlling who you are. It's okay to have bad days and bad moods - but it's not okay to lead your life with those emotions, or let those feelings hurt others. It's a tough balance - to accept and overcome at the same time, but it's essential to fully understanding and loving yourself. I've spent a lot of time this year unraveling the emotions and shining light in places that I'd rather not go, but I do think I've come out for the better.
Barcelona
Oh, Barcelona. It's going to be hard for me to fully capture how wonderful this trip truly was. But I'm going to try by filling you in on some (of the many) highlights.
- Paella, Octopus & Peppers - Of course I'm starting with food. Eat, Pray, Love, right? So, let's talk about the food. It's amazing. I probably took more pictures of food than people, TBH. With the help and recommendations of others, I tried most of the "typical" Spanish dishes. My favorites include peppers, octopus, and paella! The only thing that I was really not fond of was the "calamari" I had. It wasn't fried or grilled, I don´t really know how they cooked it actually. But it was served cold in a sauce made out of the squid's ink. It tasted like swallowing a mouthful of dirty seawater. NOT ABOUT IT. Yuck. Even the couple I was having dinner with only managed one bite. I'm glad I tried it and everything because carpe diem, but thanks no thanks. Plus, I had cava to wash it down, so all's well that ends well.
- The Architecture - The architecture is truly incredible - the most memorizing I've ever experienced. I realize that, obviously, I was in a completely different country, but it almost felt unreal. Unlike London or New York, Barcelona has a it's own big city feel. We walked around for most of my firast day, exploring things here and there. I learned a lot about the city (some real, some made-up. Did you know that Dracula's uncle lived in Barcelona? The more you know. Thanks, Cam.). My favorite, of course, had to be La Sagrada Familia. I wish I had a better word than "wow." It was stunning.
- Working It! - I wasn't just in Barcelona for play, I was also there for work (although, admittedly, most of my work felt like play). My first day at "work" was a little overwhelming. SO. MUCH. INFORMATION. But good information, which continued throughout my time in the office. The days really flew by because of how much knowledge I was taking in. I won't go into too much detail on my work day, because while it's super interesting for me, it probably isn't so much for most. Plus, some information doesn't need to be blasted online. Confidentiality and all that fun stuff. I will say that I was extremely impressed with the talent, drive and commitment of the team. They are all very smart and willing to help in any way or rise to any challenge. It was also interesting to me to hear completely new perspectives on a lot of things that have become "day to day" to me. It reminded me that sometimes it's easy to get too internal and forget that other opinions and processes and solution exist outside of your own work world. That's important. I hope to continue to work with the Barcelona team to take Stuller even further down an exciting and futuristic path.
- Sitges - Sitges will always make me think two things: chicken and bears. And that's all you need to know.
- The Villa - Let's move toward the real reason I was in Barcelona: The Moore wedding! I moved from a hotel near the office into a villa full of other wedding guests, the majority of whom I'd never never in my life. Actually, all but one! I was the only American and the only non-yachtie. I'll admit, I was nervous going in. Turns out I had nothing to worry about. I'm a big believer in the idea that the people make the place, and this was no different. I stepped off the plane knowing only a handful of people. I got back on the plane (without getting taken!) with a two handfuls of truly incredible people that I still keep in touch with and count among some of my favorite people on this planet.
- Team Bride - Claire's hen party (bachelorette party) was so fun and perfect. What's better than a lovely group of girls, beautiful scenery, and lots of champagne and cava? We toured the vineyard, drank lots of yummy wine, and laughed a ton!
- Forever Moore! - The wedding. Ah, the wedding. The wedding was truly perfect. Flawless. One of the best weddings I've ever been to. It was so very Cameron and Claire, with little touches of them everywhere. The ceremony held outside, overlooking a beautiful vineyard, but everyone was really looking at Cam & Claire. I'll admit it - I teared up when I saw the look on Cameron's face when he saw Claire coming down the aisle. I am so blessed that I got to be a part of the entire thing and can't wait for baby Moore to get here!
Have I Met You Before?
Amsterdam reintroduced me to two people you might have heard of: Anne Frank and Vincent Van Gogh. You learn about them in school and if you're like me, don't really pay much attention for long. Sure, the stories may stick with you, some more affecting than others, but you're still somewhat removed from that fact that these were real people. Walking through the house where Anne Frank lived in hiding with her family, filling the pages of her now infamous diary, was and is beyond words. From the perspective of a hopeful writer, what she was able to capture and express at such a young age is inspiring. However, my favorite part of the entire experience was listening to an interview from her once neighbor. She explained how Anne was simply a girl - she wasn't perfect, she had mood swings like and child her age, she could sometimes act bratty - she wasn't an angel and she wasn't a saint. She was simply a girl who was able to write words so powerful - because they were real and raw and heartbreaking and true - that they will live on forever.
Seeing Van Gogh's work in real life was also incredible. I have never been "into" art, but I left the museum with such an appreciation for what he created, despite his personal struggles. Mental illness is finally being talked about more openly, although the waters are still murky. I appreciated how the museum told his full story and didn't just focus on his "crazy" moments, but instead highlighted all the ways he chose to fight them, during a time in history where is was even harder to do so.
One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor
What do you get when you mix bourbon, rose and tequila? Dancing. Lots and lots of dancing. What started out as a self-proclaimed, "calm and chill" 4th of July celebration quickly escalated into an all-out, late-night party full of laughter, lobster, sunglasses and napkins. Don't ask questions.
Breaking Dawn
Although I'm not currently participating in 5 AM workouts, I did for a large part of my 25th year. Getting used to an alarm at 4:30 was very hard, as I'm quite literally a troll before coffee, but very worth it. It was so nice having my butt kicked before work and having it over and done with. It made me stronger both physically and mentally, PLUS it brought a crazy trainer back into my life who has been essential to a few other items on this list.
Work Werk Work Werk Work
Work and fun collided when my job took me to the Savannah College of Art and Design - the university my sister happens to attended. It was a true mix of business & pleasure and I really enjoyed meeting with all of the students and hearing their thoughts and feedback. Plus, me and my sister ate at the most legit yogurt/smoothie shop ever ... twice.
You're a Mean One, Mrs. Grinch
New Orleans always end up being a blast, although sometimes in unexpected ways (thanks alcohol). Two notable weekends from my 25th year were a Christmas party & a visit from some of my favorite yachties. For one, I'll let you decide which, I dressed up as the Grinch (but like, probably didn't commit as hard as I should of to the costume - basically, I looked like I just really liked green eyeshadow and tights).
Live Boldly, Push Yourself, Don't Settle
Good books can't be beat. I've read a lot of books this year, but there are a couple that stand out from among the rest: Me Before You and The Circle. They are completely different, but both worth a buy. Trust me!
Fish of the Sea
On a check-out dive this year I found the smallest sea horse I have ever seen in my life outside of pictures. I found it completely by accident while I was looking at a crab and will probably never spot another one like. Such an amazing little creature and I'm so lucky that the ocean decided to reveal that tiny jewel to me.
Write or Wrong
How could I leave out this blog - the place where I try to untangle my thoughts, fear, dreams, and craziness? It's therapy to me in so many ways, and I appreciate you - whoever you are - for taking the time to hear me out.
Berlin There Done That
I wasn't sure how I was going to feel about Berlin. I'm always up for traveling and have a long list of must-sees, but Berlin wasn't on my radar. Berlin definitely snuck up on me. I. Loved. It. Despite the freezing cold temperatures (some days around 19 degrees!), I thoroughly enjoyed the scenery, the history, the sites, the people, and the food. One night we ate at a restaurant that was built in 1643. What?! Going to Checkpoint Charlie was also another highlight. Sometimes the history you learn about in school seems like it happened so long ago, but being in Berlin really put it all in perspective for me - history can be yesterday. I would easily go back to Berlin, and would love to see other parts of Germany. Any takers?
Walking the Plank
I did predict a quarter-life crisis, did I not? It happened. Okay, more than once probably. But here are the times I wrote about it:
Walking the Plank: Welcome to My Quarter-Life Crisis : That's the theme of my quarter-life crisis: I don't know. I don't know what I want to do tomorrow. I don't know if I'm making progress. I don't know if I can commit. I don't know what I want to do next week, month, year. I don't know if I want to follow path A or path B or if I want to borrow a tractor and bulldoze myself a new path. I don't know if the advice I give myself is good or bad. I don't know how many times I'm going to change my mind about anything and everything.
Bait Fish : And now, in the bait ball along the path of life I've found myself in, I'm not sure of a lot of things, but I am sure of myself. I'm sure that even if I stumble, or I go down an unfamiliar path, I will eventually find my way because I am finally grounded in who I am and that makes all the difference.
F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
I'm always thankful for my friends. I love my friends - I hope that's so obvious at this point that you're rolling your eyes. But what I really want to express this year more than any is how proud I am to have the ones that I do. Most of the strength I have comes from them - whether or not I am able to properly express that most of the time, it's true. This year I watched so many of my friends, near and far, as they courageously decided to take control and live life their own way - true to themselves. Whether that meant changing careers or becoming parents, traveling the world or buying a house, opening their heart to love or ridding themselves of poisonous people - it's been inspiring to watch. I think that most of our young lives we try to stay in sync with everyone around us, particularly our friends, out of fear of rejection or judgement. Now, as we grow older, we have all begun to realize that the best way to live is true - whatever that means to you. So here's to you, my wonderful tribe - you've helped me have the courage to live my life true by watching you.
Family
Family. Nothing, and I mean nothing, on this list could have been achieved without the love and support of my family. It's hard for me to properly express the love I have for them. It's as deep and unexplored as the ocean, and with each year a new depth is unveiled to me. I love you all, to levels that even I don't fully understand.
XOXO, Alex