Originally written October 19, 2016
“What’s the difference between gossip and scandal?” So glad you asked. Anyone can commit a minor indiscretion and generate a day’s worth of buzz. But in order to birth a true scandal, it requires the right person to be in the wrong place. Take one It Girl on a pedestal. Add a crowd eager to see her fall. And give them the means to knock her down. One good scandal deserves another. Wonder who’s going down next? You know you love me. XOXO Gossip Girl"
Recently I found out that I was unknowingly the topic of some office gossip. Now, this definitely is not the first time that it's happened, and I know it won't be the last. However, I have to admit that I was rattled more in this occurrence than ever before. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe because it was so untrue and silly I couldn't believe it was even being said or believed. Maybe it's because for the first time (that I'm aware of) I was at the center of the rumors instead of just being one of the players. Maybe it's because I felt like the rumor itself made me feel devalued. I'm not sure. All I know is how it made me feel: sad, angry, embarrassed, wronged, hurt.
But I think the worst part of it was that the rumor - one that I knew to be 100% untrue, had me questioning myself, doubting myself and my choices. I started questioning my work ethic and how people view me.
Someone else's lies made me question my truth.
That is not okay.
I'm not the most open person. Even here on this blog - I pick and choose what I tell you - what emotions I'm going to share - when and how I'm going to do it. I'm in total control. I am even less open and even less emotional at work. To me, business is business. I don't take things personally. When my work is questioned, I like to have conversations about it. When I miss a deadline or make a mistake and get corrected - I own it. Sure, I have hard days when the stress gets to me and I get worked up or frazzled or overly passionate about a project, but it's still business. Finding out that my personal life had been brought into business made me sick. I've seen it happen to other people and I've felt for them, but to actually have it happen to you? It's hard.
Something else I've noticed? It happens to women more than it happens to men. That's just true. I think I'm most angry about that because it happens too often. People are always ready to discredit other's achievements due to jealousy and gossip is the easiest way to do that. People love to watch you own your failures but hate to let you own your success.
When I first started working, I felt like I was playing a role, acting a part. But now I'm not playing a business woman anymore - I am a business woman. My achievements and failures - both are mine. Not anyone else's. My business is my business.
Gossip isn't going to go away. Ever. It doesn't end in high school, unfortunately. Mean girls (and guys) are here to stay. And you know what - I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I've never gossiped. I'm not going to pretend like I've never raised my eyebrows or giggled over an office rumor. I don't spread gossip - but I also don't always leave the room or tell someone to stop when I hear it. That is something that I need to work on. There's a quote that says, "if you hang with chickens you're going to cluck but if you hang with eagles you're going to soar" and it's so true.
Again, I know this won't be the last time I am the center of office gossip. It won't be the last time I'm upset over it. But lions don't concern themselves over the opinions of sheep - so I'm going to do my best to keep my head up high and shake it off. Now how about we all get back to business and stay the fuck out of other people's?
XOXO, A
Blog image provided by Raquel Camargo.