Change the Stars

Originally written January 7, 2017

"Can it be done, Father? Can a man change the stars?"
"Yes, William. If he believes enough, a man can do anything."
A Knight's Tale

I've been thinking a lot about choices lately. Actually, not so much choices as much as the platform - the galaxy - the universe - the snow globe - take your pick - that we make them from. Let's see if I can try and make this make sense to anyone but me. This post is a mess - my thoughts are a mess. 

I've grown up extremely lucky: I have a family that loves me to my (sometimes a little rotten) core, a family that supports me in more ways than one. I've seen more places in my 26 years than most on this planet will see in their lifetime. I've never worried about where my next meal was coming from - in fact, opposite of that, I've eaten food by some of the best chefs in the world (okay, that's my option, but still, probably true). I experience luxuries that some people can only dream of. 

This isn't me bragging, although maybe it's hard for many not to see it that way. I understand. I am blessed in ways that I'm self-aware enough to know that I don't even fully grasp. 

It's all I know. It's the galaxy I was raised in. It's what surrounds my everyday. Admittedly, there are days that go by where I take much of it for granted. "How is that even possible?" many of you are probably thinking. And that's fair. I don't know. I can't answer that. 

However, I will say that more days than not I do realize it. And I am grateful. Grateful. Grateful is the platform on which I live my life many days. I'm actually very hesitant to post this. I'm scared of coming off as ungrateful.  That's not it. I'm not. I am beyond grateful for my life and all that I have. I don't wish to trade lives with anyone. That's not what I'm trying to say. What am I trying to say?

What is the view look from inside the Milky Way looking out? Is it just as wondrous and magical? If you'd never gone outside of it, would you even realize where you are, and how lucky you are to be there - a place that millions of people look up to every day and wish they could be there. Would you still be looking out into the night sky wishing you could go there. there. there. there. Wishing you could create a galaxy of your own, built by decisions made without fear of letting someone down? Or would you stay put, happy & grateful for where you are? Would you step outside only to feel the cold, blank nothing of what you've given up or would you discover that you'd never really tasted what it is to be true to yourself?

I guess what I'm getting at is, when do we stop making decisions because we are grateful for our past and current circumstances and instead make them solely from inside of the person we are? Is it even possible to separate the piece of us that loves every person that has helped us get to where we are now and our own self? Should we? Does that make you brave? Foolish? Happy? Regretful? Selfish? A combination? I don't know.  

Does everyone feel this way? Is it just me? 

Can a man change his stars? Should a man change his stars? 

I don't know. 

I have a shooting star tattooed on my foot. It's not coming off. It's not changing. But you know what could? The path I choose to walk from here. 

Alex